How to help a friend with cancer…or any other serious illness

Finding out that a close friend or family member has been diagnosed with cancer is one of the hardest things a person can go through…it can be harder at times than being the person battling cancer.  Fortunately there are resources available to teach us how to help a friend with cancer.

In his book Life Over Cancer, Keith Block talks about building an A-Team to help a friend beat cancer.  The A-Team should provide a cancer patient with five basic areas of support–emotional, practical, informational, coaching, and decision-making.  Each of these roles should be taken by a different person.  And here are the questions you should ask when you’re figuring out who should play which role:*

The Comforter: Will this person be able to support our friend’s emotional ups and downs? Can they listen without feeling compelled to resolve or purge our friend of all distress?

The Go-Getter: Are they comfortable with being asked to perform various tasks even if they seem repetitive or mundane?  Will they admit when they feel overloaded?

The Researcher: Are they willing to spend at least a couple of hours per week digging through the internet for tips, news, and information?  Are they confident that they can translate and explain their research to your friend?

The Interactive Coach: Are they willing to push your friend while being sensitive to your friend’s vulnerabilities?  Can they handle it if your friend rejects their help?

The Strategic Planner: (This is typically someone familiar with cancer treatment with medical expertise or personal experience). Are they comfortable dealing with your friend questioning the plan?  Can they support your friend without judgment? Will they agree to follow the plan laid out by the doctor, your friend, and any other advisers?

If you have a friend battling cancer and you want to figure out a way to be involved in their treatment and recovery, start by figuring out which role you would best play.  Then, talk to your friend about finding the other members of the A-Team.

You should also find a person to take the role of updating friends and family about your friend’s progress.  You can use cancer patient blog sites, like our friends at MyLifeline.org, or you can use a caregiver collaboration tool like our friends at Lotsa Helping Hands.

And of course, you can always help them through the financial challenges of cancer by creating a personal fundraising page for their medical expenses on GiveForward.org.

*All is summarized from p. 38 of Life Over Cancer by Keith Block find it here.